His Christmas - My Christmas

 

As the Christmas bells began to jingle, signaling the festive season, the world prepared to celebrate the birth of Christ. It was a time for family and joy—Christmas carols, delectable food, new outfits, the warmth of home and the companionship of loved ones defined the holiday spirit. 

In a twist of fate, I found myself entangled in a consensual affair with a man who brought immense happiness into my life. Despite our share of disagreements, our love blossomed. I welcomed him into my life, recognizing his longing for love and a home. We started as two friends who had lost everything, finding solace and intense love in each other's company. Together, we pledged to build a home, a family, share cuddles, embark on travels, enjoy movies and indulge in sumptuous dinners—those were truly enchanting days.

Our lives were filled with sunshine, laughter, and playful teasing, all within the comforting embrace of each other. However, shadows lingered from his past. I had willingly left behind my comfort zone to create a new life with him, but he remained tethered to his past relationship of two decades. His past love cast a long shadow, a constant presence in his thoughts that often left me feeling insecure and cheated.

Despite my protests, he struggled to fully let go of his past. The fear of him leaving haunted me and unfortunately, it became a reality. Multiple times, under the pretext of various excuses, he would run back to his former life, weaving a web of lies to conceal the truth. Unbeknownst to me, my love for him slowly withered away, not due to a natural death but a brutal murder by the layers of lies, manipulations, and deceit. 

His lies were not malicious; rather, they were attempts to sustain our relationship while unwilling to sever ties with his past. Our secret vows remained hidden and the glow of our love became a well-kept secret. Gradually, our relationship deteriorated, each sentence laced with lies and his eyes betraying me. When the time came for him to make a final choice between me and his past, he chose me and we continued our journey together.

Yet, something was amiss. Despite physically being with me, he had left his heart behind.

The guilt of our affair began to consume me and I felt nauseous and profoundly sad. Consciously, I wrestled with the thought that I had taken someone else's husband. Despite knowing the torment he endured in his previous relationship, his deep-seated love for his wife never waned. He showed me pictures of their beautifully decorated home for Christmas, expressing the pain in his heart.

The revelation came when I overheard him professing his love to his wife and discovered endearing messages exchanged between them. Broken, I confronted him and he responded with endless abuse, attacking my past, health and worthiness of love. I smiled through the pain, realizing I had nothing left to lose.

He stormed out, never to return and I closed the door behind him. Amidst sobs, I thanked God for orchestrating his return to his original home. It was Christmas, a time for family and I was glad he could be with his loved ones again. Christmas is about love, sacrifice and giving gifts. Perhaps the most precious gift I could give him was his family back.

My love for him was like an ocean slowly drowning me and I was clinging to the last piece of driftwood that was my hope.

Those walks in the beautiful lanes lined with eucalyptus trees, those evenings when we sat down to have tea together after retiring from work. Those endless chats, the dreams we shared... How can I forget those?

But how can I even forget how he abused and cursed me when I confronted him? Cursing me never to be a mother, cursing me for my ill health, cursing the nights we spent together... cursing every bit of my existence.

Love is not a constraint; it is about surrender and sacrifice. If Mother Mary could sacrifice her only son for humankind, couldn't I sacrifice my love for his happiness? My Christmas might not be merry and warm anymore, but I found solace in knowing that his would be and for that, I am grateful.

Indeed, gifts of time and love are the essential ingredients for a truly merry Christmas.